Long Distance Relationships: How to Keep the Love Alive
Is your long distance relationship thriving…or just surviving? Are you madly in love with someone but cannot find a way to live in the same city? How do you support your relationship when you have very real physical distance between you?
I have seen couples fall apart because they could not sustain their relationship due to the distance between them, and I have seen others who find creative, romantic ways to keep the love alive. I know people who had a long distance relationship for years, complained about it, and finally got together in the same city, only to break up months after they lived near each other. Some people have long distance relationships and like it that way. And some couples don’t like the distance at all, but manage to still stay close.
How do they do that? Here are some of the challenges that exist when you have an out-of-town romance, and what you can do about it:
* Commitment
If you have just met, take care to spend enough time to truly know each other before you get in a committed relationship. There is no substitute for face-to-face communication. You need to meet each other’s friends, family, and co-workers. You need to experience good times and stressful ones together. Once you do, decide what your expectations are for your relationship. Be open and honest. How much commitment are you willing to give each other? This clarity is important to minimize misunderstanding.
* Trust
Once you can determine if you are both on the same level of investment in the relationship, trust and honesty become paramount to the success of your future. These elements are at the heart of all lasting unions, but distance challenges the security of your connection.
* Communication
Be dedicated to the way you stay in touch. Phone calls, emails, and chatting on-line are important. Set up a regular time to visit with each other, building a routine. But add some surprises such as, homemade videos, collected poems put in a special book, or self-decorated greeting cards. Stretch your imagination further with a lock of your hair in a unique box; an absorbent piece of cloth with your perfume or after-shave scent; your favorite flower, pressed and framed. If the other person does not call often, make time for you, or send appropriate communications, do not hang on. Let go and get on with your life.
* Plan your reunions.
Decide where to meet, how often, and how you want to spend the time when you see each other. Be very clear about what your expectations are for the time you have together. This is where many relationships break down. His idea of the perfect weekend could be sitting in front of the TV with her at his side, watching football. Hers could be visiting friends, attending a romantic movie, and later sharing secrets of the heart. He may expect her to cook his dinner; she may expect him to take her out. We all have old scripts that play out in new relationships, and unless we communicate what we want from each other, this is a recipe for misunderstandings and hurt feelings.
Finally, decide how long you want to live apart, and set a date for the move. It is true that when one of you moves to the other one’s town, you are taking a risk. However, most people say that even when it doesn’t work out, at least they gave love a chance. They didn’t want to spend their life longing to be somewhere else, continuing–a long distance relationship.
Visit http://www.tonjaweimer.com or http://www.singlesdatingtips.com for more tips, skills, and insight on dating, relationships, singles, and love. Subscribe to our F*ree Savvy Dating Newsletter from master single’s coach, life coach, and syndicated columnist, Tonja Weimer. Copyright 2006, Tonja Weimer. (Please note source if reprinting this article.)
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serpentine – distance
Sich nichts unterwerfen, keinem Menschen, keiner Liebe, keiner Idee, jene distanzierte Unabhängigkeit wahren, die darin besteht, weder an die Wahrheit zu glauben, falls es sie denn gäbe, noch an den Nutzen, sie zu kennen – dies, scheint mir, ist die rechte Befindlichkeit für das geistige, innere Leben von Menschen, die nicht gedankenlos leben können. Fernando Pessoa (1888 – 1935)
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Google offers all sorts of useful links and menu options beside the travel distance calculator, thus, one can learn the gas consume or go to hotel reservation pages in case one needs to make a stop on the way. There is also a certain variety of travel distance calculator formats; thus, some are designed to indicate the distances only for a specific country, while others cover extra features to determine distances between cities abroad. A relevant example is Map Crow, that is a web tool used to calculate distances between cities outside of the United States: from Paris to Rome for instance, but you can also learn the distance between less specific points, like countries.
The undeniable advantage of a travel distance calculator is that it provides results in a matter of seconds, enhancing work efficiency and making the access to information a lot easier. There are people who by the nature of their job need the travel distance calculator, therefore, they find it a most helpful tool in a variety of applications. Thus, transport and logistic companies that operate goods transport all around the world use the travel distance calculator to determine the specific and non-specific gas consume, as well as to approximate other variables.
Drivers benefit most from the use of the travel distance calculator and they also rely on the tool extensively. For distances between countries or for itineraries that involve flying, the travel distance calculator remains an optional informative tool that has a reduced level of applicability. You will surely not need a travel distance calculator for flying from Phoenix to Washington. Yet, more advanced technologies for the travel distance calculator indicate distances in air miles for instance, but such devices are used by professional air lines as part of their integrated software.
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Is There Such Thing as a Successful Long Distance Relationship
A long distance relationship can be terrifying. I was in a long distance relationship twice with the same woman. I went on to marry this woman and live in the same city. I was a failure in a long distance relationship, and I was a success in a long distance relationship. My long distance relationship was heart breaking at times, and it was amazing at times. Let me explain the 5 key areas to having a successful long distance relationship.
1. Emotions in a Long Distance Relationship
Handling your emotions in a long distance relationship can be very difficult. A long distance relationship is very different from a same-city relationship. When you’re in a long distance relationship, you have to read more into the words and actions of your partner.
2. Methods of Communication
A long distance relationship has different methods of communication. My first long distance relationship in 1994, was just the telephone. I spent $300 a month on long distance telephone calls. This was the main reason the long distance relationship failed – we couldn’t justify the costs.
With the Internet you can have a long distance relationship for free using programs like MSN. Textual chat is one way, voice chat (like an audio conversation) is another, and best of all is video chat (face to face communication using web cameras). My 2nd long distance relationship with the same woman used MSN and web cameras for video conferencing. It was amazing to see each other every night. You could see the emotion in your partner’s face – it was the main reason our long distance relationship was successful the time around.
3. Growing Together While Living Apart
Using programs like Skype, or MSN can allow you to grow together in your long distance relationship. It’s essential to make the connection and make the most of your valuable communication time. Having a face to face conversation, sharing instant messenger messages, cell phone text messages, email messages are just some of the ways you can grow together with your partner in a long distance relationship.
4. Potential Problems and Mistakes
There are potential problems and mistakes in a long distance relationship. The biggest problem is ‘misunderstanding’. In my 2nd long distance relationship, I relied on email and cell phone text messaging for the majority of my communication – I would misread text a lot of the time.
Text has no emotion, like in an email, or a cell phone text message. There aren’t enough smileys or emoticons to describe one’s feelings. Text is just black on white, very faceless, and I found I would misinterpret a message. That little voice inside my head would play on it.
My biggest piece of advice is to not let your heart-strings be tugged by text. Take it at face value in context of the rest of the message or messages, and trust in yourself that everything is fine. You’ll be able to clarify the conversation when you speak with your partner face to face later in the day or evening.
5. How to Keep your Long Distance Relationship Interesting
Keeping your long distance relationship interesting is essential. Sharing the conversation is crucial. On average a person listens for 17 seconds before interrupting. Listen twice as much as you speak. Show your respect and admiration for your partner by sharing the conversation.
My partner and I would play online games together through MSN or other web sites. We’d share photo and news stories with each other. There was always a things to do with each other. Communicating online opened so many doors for keeping the long distance relationship interesting.
Conclusion
So if you’re not sure whether you’re ready for a long distance relationship, ask yourself these questions:
1. Am I willing to make the time to communicate with my partner
2. Do I have the tools (MSN, Webcam, Headset, Microphone) to have a long distance relationship online
3. Am I emotionally equipped to have a long distance relationship, where I may not speak with the person every day, and where I may have to rely on email or text messaging for my emotional needs
If you can answer Yes to these 3 questions, you are certainly ready for a long distance relationship. A long distance relationship can be one of the most rewarding love relationships.
A long distance relationship builds emotions at a different levels and in different areas of the relationship than a usual same-city relationship. If you can survive the distance, you can have a successful long distance relationship. Best of luck to you!
Rob Dunsmuir lives in Canada and has two young daughters. He has much experience in long distance relationships and dating. He dated his wife twice in a long distance relationship – once for 6 months, and a 2nd time for 2 years. Rob married his long distance sweetheart in 2007. Read Rob’s Long Distance Relationship Guide for more tips and insight.